07/23/2010:
"nadie puede hacerme daño"

not everything goes as planned. I was planning on working all night, but I can't due to my internet being mega slow. timewarner, step your game up! I'm giving you my money here!

so, instead here I am...writing a long due somewhat-long diary entry. where to begin...

I can't really complain about my own life right now if I put the people in it aside. I mean, I'm making money from the comfort of my own home, I am rewarding my own work by paying for things to enrich my hobbies, I'm maintaining my ideal weight, eating well and feeling alright mentally. as far as me goes, everything is a breeze. now, if we include people in the mix...we've got a different story. since the year started, I've had my "friend" count drop like flies. I've had people pretend to be my friend but actually hate me behind my back and plot against me. even my #1 friend just dropped off the face of the earth one day without giving me a reason and then turned a mutual friend against me. it's been a wild, wild ride this year when it comes to friendships...and I know for certain I am being tested.

however, I am keeping strong.

I truly believe that those who have left my life are simply not meant to be in it at this moment. sometimes having a phase of solitude can help one's spirit grow with knowledge and maturity. it can help us reflect on the friendships we've lost and even examine ourselves to see if we had any faults in their demise. I can't deny feeling a bit of sadness within me, but every ending holds the promise of a new beginning. so I am welcoming this time of loneliness with open arms and asking the universe for endurance until it's over.

for the time being, I am keeping everyone at a margin and avoiding becoming close. closeness consists of opening yourself up and opening yourself up automatically means becoming vulnerable and when you're vulnerable you get hurt easily. I think I'm done with that.

it wouldn't hurt to have someone who is true and could comfort me right now. but all I've got is myself, and I think that's enough to survive this dry season. when bad hits, it hits bad - no doubt. but past pain has given me an extra layer of tough skin and I'm not about to break for ANYONE.