05/24/2009:
"better sleep"

I'd like to start having that. I am starting to get extremely frustrated and annoyed with my sleep talking. I don't literally talk during my sleep, but I might as well because every time my body is slightly conscious for one second, let that be that I'm turning over or hear a noise, I instantly hear my internal voice.

sometimes it's saying "I'm going to be alright" other times it says "God please forgive me" other times it says "why is this happening to me?" etc, etc. One year ago when this started to really kick in, I was more understanding of why it was happening. after all, I was severely traumatized. but now that all this time has gone by and I can hardly say I've had a good night's sleep in a full year? I'm starting to worry.

I guess what I need to do is start creating better memories to help me along.

I had to stop therapy because I ran out of money. Therapy was one of the few good things I kept looking forward to each week. But I am working hard again so I can start up. JT is probably worried about me.