it's raining outside and it's awesome. it gives me goosebumps to hear the rain drops against my window.

not everything goes as planned. I was planning on working all night, but I can't due to my internet being mega slow. timewarner, step your game up! I'm giving you my money here!

so, instead here I am...writing a long due somewhat-long diary entry. where to begin...

I can't really complain about my own life right now if I put the people in it aside. I mean, I'm making money from the comfort of my own home, I am rewarding my own work by paying for things to enrich my hobbies, I'm maintaining my ideal weight, eating well and feeling alright mentally. as far as me goes, everything is a breeze. now, if we include people in the mix...we've got a different story. since the year started, I've had my "friend" count drop like flies. I've had people pretend to be my friend but actually hate me behind my back and plot against me. even my #1 friend just dropped off the face of the earth one day without giving me a reason and then turned a mutual friend against me. it's been a wild, wild ride this year when it comes to friendships...and I know for certain I am being tested.

however, I am keeping strong.

I truly believe that those who have left my life are simply not meant to be in it at this moment. sometimes having a phase of solitude can help one's spirit grow with knowledge and maturity. it can help us reflect on the friendships we've lost and even examine ourselves to see if we had any faults in their demise. I can't deny feeling a bit of sadness within me, but every ending holds the promise of a new beginning. so I am welcoming this time of loneliness with open arms and asking the universe for endurance until it's over.

for the time being, I am keeping everyone at a margin and avoiding becoming close. closeness consists of opening yourself up and opening yourself up automatically means becoming vulnerable and when you're vulnerable you get hurt easily. I think I'm done with that.

it wouldn't hurt to have someone who is true and could comfort me right now. but all I've got is myself, and I think that's enough to survive this dry season. when bad hits, it hits bad - no doubt. but past pain has given me an extra layer of tough skin and I'm not about to break for ANYONE.

His sign reads "PLEASE HELP!! STRANDED...VERY BROKE AND LOOKING FOR A MIRACLE, GOD BLESS!!"



So I'm going through the portfolio of photographer Naruki, and I immediately became stunned and stuck on the above photographs of who is clearly a homeless youth. Not only is the sign very touching, but the look in his eyes in the second photo speaks volumes and is simply heartbreaking.

I see this and it only makes me think of people out there who are far better off than this guy, yet act like a homeless person with no hopes. Some of us have shelter, food, family members and love partners that support us and yet that is not good enough to get it together and strive towards a good future. Heck, in addition to all of that, some of us have talent, youth and time...and all we can seem to do is focus on the negative shit that will NEVER go away, unfortunately. we're wasting our time focusing on the bad while we could be taking into account and thanking the universe every day for those beautiful things we do have in our grasp...unlike the guy above in the pictures. negative things always manifest themselves in our lives in different ways, we just have to learn to strengthen ourselves so we can move past them. one way is to just look around us for one second and see all the great tools we have at hand.

some people need to wake the fuck up.

tonight was pleasant. took a relaxing ride around the city with some friends and flicked away. nothing clears my mind like riding in cars and taking pictures. the two combined did wonders for me. to view the set go here.

Chris Cornell, you're awesome. Heard this song come on at Chili's the other day while dining with bebesote and the mother in law. It was so good to hear this gem again. It came out in 99 I think. I loved it back then, love it even more now! good shit.

took a stroll in central park on saturday. it was beautiful out. not hot, not cold...just perfect. I was having a good picture day so I had Cynthia take some shots of me in all my red-lipped splendor =) I feel great these days. This new haircut has gotten a lot of positive feedback...who knew?

more pix when you click the pic!